Both the husband and the wife in marriage have needs.
Their needs are different, but the needs of both are very real. Unless these distinctive, individual needs are being satisfied within the marriage relationship, the security and stability of the home will be endangered.
Recognizing our own needs will...
A marriage breakup often occurs when someone outside the marriage begins to meet the basic emotional needs of one of the marriage partners. When this happens, the two people are drawn almost irresistibly to one another. Soon
another marriage becomes a divorce statistic. Many fine people get caught in this trap without realizing why. They do not understand that the strong attraction they feel for someone other than their partner is just the result of the other person's meeting an emotional need which should be fulfilled by the marriage partner. When two people are meeting one another's basic emotional needs there is a strong and growing desire for a complete physical relationship. Recognizing our basic emotional need and seeing that it can be fulfilled without guilt only within the marriage relationship is vital protection against tragedy.
What are these basic emotional needs of the husband and wife?
God knows exactly what need to be complete because He made us. In Ephesians 5:33, God tells husbands and wives how to meet the needs of their partners. He says:
A wife needs love. A husband needs to be respected and reverenced. A wife needs to hear that she is loved. A husband needs to know that his wife really thinks he is the greatest. A wife needs to receive regular evidence and reassurances of her husband's love. She needs and gets thrilled by little gifts, remembrances of important dates and events, and tokens of love. Of course, these assurances of love are empty and unsatisfying unless the husband also provides security, protection, needed maintenance on the home, etc. A husband deeply needs to be assured of his wife's respect, particularly when he fails in some way. A husband needs to know that his wife is dependent on him-just as Christ's bride, the church, is dependent on Him.
When the husband and wife do not recognize and work to meet the needs of their partners, grave dangers result. For example, a man who on the job is competent in accomplishing his assignments and is polite, courteous, and appreciative of the help of others will find a woman (particularly if she works for him) respecting him. Because the woman is meeting his need for respect, he will be drawn to her. He will be drawn to her. He will start desiring to meet her needs.
Soon he will compare the respect of the woman on the job with the nagging of his wife. The woman at the office or in the plant does not know that he does not take out the garbage and leaves his dirty socks on underwear on the bathroom floor. The woman on the job will not point out his failings (particularly if he is her boss) as his wife does. The woman on the job is in danger also. She does not realize that this very competent, appreciative man at work has all of the shortcomings of her own husband. In the casual relationship at work (or wherever), these two people do not have to share unpaid bills, sick children, the need for a new washer, a second car, etc.*Without realizing it, soon they find themselves meeting one another's basic needs. The man at work will be supplying the attention and kindness the woman needs. She will be giving the man the respect he desires. Where two people are meeting these very basic needs for love and respect, the desire for a complete physical relationship becomes overpowering. Soon there is another broken marriage. It is happening all of the time.
Recognizing your own basic need for reverence and respect (the men) or love and attention (the women) is an important safeguard against slipping into a relationship where these needs are met outside of marriage.
Recognizing our own basic need will also hep us to understand that our partner has needs which are just as real and deeply felt as our own. This is vitally important.
Husbands cannot know from their own experiences how much wives need regular assurance and evidence of that love. By the same token, wives cannot comprehend how their husbands need reverence and respect.
About the only way a husband and wife will ever come to realize that his or her partner has a real and deeply felt need is to recognize his or her own personal need. By seeing and admitting how much he needs respect and reverence from his wife, a husband is prepared to understand that his wife also has a deeply felt need, which while different from his own, is very real. By the same token, the only way a wife can really experience or feel or share in the great need her husband has to be reverenced and respected is to recognize her own deep hunger for love and the assurance of it. Once she sees her own need, she is prepared to realize that her husband's need, while different, is just as deep and real. Coming to recognize our own emotional needs and seeing that our partners also have needs which are just as real and deeply felt will bring us to a willingness to give ourselves to meeting the needs of our partner. As we do so, God will see to it that they begin to meet out needs.
The real key to blessing in marriage is in making the goal of your life the meeting of the needs of your partner. In doing so, you will see your own needs met by God. In Luke 6:38, the Lord Jesus said:
Many people immediately think of money when they see or hear these instructions about giving. It does apply to finances, but there is a principle here which goes so much further than just money. God says, "Give and it shall be given unto you." In fact, He implies that we will receive much more than we give. This principle applies in every area of life.
If we give love, we will get love. If we give help, we will get help. If we give encouragement, we get encouragement. If we give forgiveness to others, we will be forgiven. If we give a smile, we will get smiled at. The opposites apply also. If we hate, we will get hatred. Therefore, when we give ourselves to meeting the needs of others, we'll find others meeting our needs. Nowhere is this more true than in marriage.
When both partners are satisfying the needs of the other, they become more and more important to each other. Every part of the relationship then blossoms and become fruitful. Problems which once brought division will be used to bring husband and wife closer together. The physical relationship in marriage becomes completely fulfilling - once other basic needs are met.
When a husband and wife recognize each each other's needs, a life-long commitment to satisfy those longings can and should be made.
* The pressure of bills, illness, unemployment, and debts are often seen as the cause of divorce. Actually, if two people are really meeting one another's basic needs for love and respect, they can face and solve these problems of life together. In fact, in meeting them they are drawn even closer together. When partners are not meeting one another's needs, the marriage is in difficulty even if there are no health, financial, or family pressures.
Their needs are different, but the needs of both are very real. Unless these distinctive, individual needs are being satisfied within the marriage relationship, the security and stability of the home will be endangered.
Recognizing our own needs will...
... safeguard us from drifting into a relationship where our needs are met outside of marriage - with all the tragedies that result.
A marriage breakup often occurs when someone outside the marriage begins to meet the basic emotional needs of one of the marriage partners. When this happens, the two people are drawn almost irresistibly to one another. Soon
another marriage becomes a divorce statistic. Many fine people get caught in this trap without realizing why. They do not understand that the strong attraction they feel for someone other than their partner is just the result of the other person's meeting an emotional need which should be fulfilled by the marriage partner. When two people are meeting one another's basic emotional needs there is a strong and growing desire for a complete physical relationship. Recognizing our basic emotional need and seeing that it can be fulfilled without guilt only within the marriage relationship is vital protection against tragedy.What are these basic emotional needs of the husband and wife?
God knows exactly what need to be complete because He made us. In Ephesians 5:33, God tells husbands and wives how to meet the needs of their partners. He says:
" Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband."
A wife needs love. A husband needs to be respected and reverenced. A wife needs to hear that she is loved. A husband needs to know that his wife really thinks he is the greatest. A wife needs to receive regular evidence and reassurances of her husband's love. She needs and gets thrilled by little gifts, remembrances of important dates and events, and tokens of love. Of course, these assurances of love are empty and unsatisfying unless the husband also provides security, protection, needed maintenance on the home, etc. A husband deeply needs to be assured of his wife's respect, particularly when he fails in some way. A husband needs to know that his wife is dependent on him-just as Christ's bride, the church, is dependent on Him.
When the husband and wife do not recognize and work to meet the needs of their partners, grave dangers result. For example, a man who on the job is competent in accomplishing his assignments and is polite, courteous, and appreciative of the help of others will find a woman (particularly if she works for him) respecting him. Because the woman is meeting his need for respect, he will be drawn to her. He will be drawn to her. He will start desiring to meet her needs.
Soon he will compare the respect of the woman on the job with the nagging of his wife. The woman at the office or in the plant does not know that he does not take out the garbage and leaves his dirty socks on underwear on the bathroom floor. The woman on the job will not point out his failings (particularly if he is her boss) as his wife does. The woman on the job is in danger also. She does not realize that this very competent, appreciative man at work has all of the shortcomings of her own husband. In the casual relationship at work (or wherever), these two people do not have to share unpaid bills, sick children, the need for a new washer, a second car, etc.*Without realizing it, soon they find themselves meeting one another's basic needs. The man at work will be supplying the attention and kindness the woman needs. She will be giving the man the respect he desires. Where two people are meeting these very basic needs for love and respect, the desire for a complete physical relationship becomes overpowering. Soon there is another broken marriage. It is happening all of the time.Recognizing your own basic need for reverence and respect (the men) or love and attention (the women) is an important safeguard against slipping into a relationship where these needs are met outside of marriage.
MEETING YOUR PARTNER'S NEEDS
Recognizing our own basic need will also hep us to understand that our partner has needs which are just as real and deeply felt as our own. This is vitally important.
Husbands cannot know from their own experiences how much wives need regular assurance and evidence of that love. By the same token, wives cannot comprehend how their husbands need reverence and respect.
The real key to blessing in marriage is in making the goal of your life the meeting of the needs of your partner. In doing so, you will see your own needs met by God. In Luke 6:38, the Lord Jesus said:
"Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again."
Many people immediately think of money when they see or hear these instructions about giving. It does apply to finances, but there is a principle here which goes so much further than just money. God says, "Give and it shall be given unto you." In fact, He implies that we will receive much more than we give. This principle applies in every area of life. If we give love, we will get love. If we give help, we will get help. If we give encouragement, we get encouragement. If we give forgiveness to others, we will be forgiven. If we give a smile, we will get smiled at. The opposites apply also. If we hate, we will get hatred. Therefore, when we give ourselves to meeting the needs of others, we'll find others meeting our needs. Nowhere is this more true than in marriage.
When both partners are satisfying the needs of the other, they become more and more important to each other. Every part of the relationship then blossoms and become fruitful. Problems which once brought division will be used to bring husband and wife closer together. The physical relationship in marriage becomes completely fulfilling - once other basic needs are met.
When a husband and wife recognize each each other's needs, a life-long commitment to satisfy those longings can and should be made.
* The pressure of bills, illness, unemployment, and debts are often seen as the cause of divorce. Actually, if two people are really meeting one another's basic needs for love and respect, they can face and solve these problems of life together. In fact, in meeting them they are drawn even closer together. When partners are not meeting one another's needs, the marriage is in difficulty even if there are no health, financial, or family pressures.
